Cherry Balm Dotcom

I love you guys, and that’s why I traveled all the way to New York City’s Glossier Showroom this February to buy some swell products to review for my readers. The product of the day is called Cherry Balm Dotcom.

Now wait a minute, you might be thinking, if you are person who knows me (and at this point, I believe that most of my readers fall into that category, unfortunately). Haven’t I seen you apply that balm to your lips with an almost pathological regularity, even before you visited the Icy East?

The answer is yes, I took a trip all the way to New York, only to buy nothing at the showroom. The product in question was actually in my bag the whole time.

I did buy a pretty good bagel though.

You have probably surmised that I have never learned the art of brevity (which they say is the soul of wit). You probably have also surmised that I feel generally positively about Cherry Balm Dotcom if I’m always slapping it on.

The only thing I don’t like about it is its name, which is a bit embarrassing. I don’t really go in for puns much unless they are really something special (reddit.com, please take note).

The "Balm Dotcom" has an excellent consistency that penetrates the lips instead of just sitting on top like an occlusive layer - probably due to the presence of lanolin. Lanolin, the gift of sheep, is my favorite lip moisturizer as it really does the trick of sinking in to moisturize, more than say just Vaseline might. And don’t even get me started on the evils of Chapstick. I’ve heard that when people stop Chapstick cold turkey, their lips turn black and peel off! 

The regrettably named salve adds a gentle red tint of color to the lips that does a wonderful job of making me look less like a corpse and more like a soon to be corpse (in geological time we’re already dead, aren’t we). It seems to have magical plumping properties, which I am crazy for; though I already have fairly full lips, I will always aspire to the level of Bellsprout, the shiny mouthed Pokémon whose Wiki tells me possesses the secret ability of "Gluttony," just like the author. 

The scent is rather “cherry cough drop.” It is fairly strong but useful in that I can use it to mark my drinking glass at an evening soirée. Like a squirrel who has buried nuts to nourish herself through the winter, like a dog who has encountered the territory of another, all I have to do is sniff around and I’ll find the glass in question. 

Yes, I am available for parties.

Invite me.

I am so lonely.

Oh yeah, I forgot that this blog isn’t called Space Junk. It’s called I Spent Too Much Money. And what’s the verdict? Did I spend too much money? Coming in at $12 for a tiny tube, the answer is yes. 

But I keep coming back to what I tell my sister: 

“Please support me in old age. This is not a financially solvent habit I have.”